Orwell Was Right, 1984 Was Fucking Nuts OR One Giant 'Fuck You' to Loli-bashers OR Holy Fucking Shit This is the Best Thing I've Discovered Ever OR GET READY TO BEAT YOUR SORRY DICK BLACK AND BLUE!!!!!

Before I begin, a special thanks to Wildarmsheero for getting me interested, as well as all the people who released this shit, and no thanks whatsoever to MyAnimeList and Anime News Network who made this a confusing pain in the ass.

Today, I’d like to tell all of you about a very important discovery that I bet you didn’t know a damn thing about. It is the first hentai OVA EVER, released in 1984. This 6-episode OVA was titled, in what may be considered the ultimate ‘I shit you not’ moment, Lolita Anime. You bet your ass it was chock full of delicious, tiny-breasted lolis. Finding out about this thing was a pain in the ass because that very same year, following it’s example, a different company also released an anime called ‘Lolita Anime’ which has been alternatively titled ‘Uchiyama Aki.’ What made this a pain was that ANN had Lolita Anime, MyAL had Uchiyama Aki, and the only other site I found with info about them was half-convincing me they were the same show. Of course, despite the fact that the shows themselves are rare, there’s actually a pretty extensive Wikipedia article for each of them, possibly to clear that confusion. (Naturally I didn’t find those till I’d already spent an hour gathering the info other ways.) Both the Wikipedia article and the ANN entry claim that episode 4 of the original Lolita Anime is findable online, however (recently?) episodes 2, 3, 4, and 6 have been made available on Tokyo Toshokan.

I’ve thus far watched the 2nd and 4th episodes, and man it’s amazing. As far as being lolis goes, the girls seem to be from the Lucky Star school of high school girls who could pass for about 11, all with petite breasts and tiny bodies. Most of the designs are notably 80s, but still fucking hawt. As mentioned in the Wiki article, some of the characters are meant to resemble popular characters at the time, such as the girl in episode 4 who looks like a loli version of A-ko. Because the show hasn’t been subbed, I can’t really say anything about the story except that there was one, as there were the usual talky bits in each episode, but they definitely had a satisfying amount of action in each.

The most absolutely awesome thing about watching these, though, is that every hentai since has been blatantly influenced by this original. It really had everything. There were the discolored or sparkling cumshots, the weird motifs (like a hose shooting water to represent cum), parts where a dick would randomly be shining or invisible, sex scenes where the background would be some random environment, a part where a girl almost gets raped by an ugly old man, plain old rape, bribe sex, apparent incest, bondage, and of course my absolute favorite, each episode had an obligatory lesbian sex scene! It was fucking glorious. Plus, it was all UNCENSORED! Apparently laws were a little different in the 80s or something because there were actually certain positions which has some kind of censor on them, but others were just fine I guess. I can’t give an explanation for that one.

The whole thing is surprisingly good-looking, and shines with the brilliance of a team who knows how to make something good with a low budget. And believe me, the budget was probably low because there were parts where it would do a little frame-by-frame thing or otherwise reuse images, however they more than made up for the lack of fluidity with the way they moved. The sex scenes were what I would almost like to call ‘realistic’. The girls’ bodies convulsed and curled and reacted and the sex scenes were all of pretty decent length. It was… very hot.

Getting away from just the awesomeness of this OVA itself, I was pretty surprised to find out about just how popular loli was back then. You see, it’d be one thing if, like in todays market, there were tons of hentai and a bunch of them were loli, but this wasn’t the case. While there were more being made from 1984 onward, there really weren’t that many hentai made in the 1980s overall and wouldn’t you know it, most were loli. To give you just an impression of how immense this loli craze was, though, we take you to THE longest hentai ever made, Cream Lemon. This OVA covered all kinds of stories, tons of genres, and by it’s end catered to whatever fetish you probably have, totally 40 MOTHERFUCKING EPISODES. There are various episodes available online wherever you find them, so naturally I gave the first ep a go.

This show has a lot more focus on the story than it’s predecessor, and more than most hentai I’ve seen (this one is subbed, BTW). The first episode was about the show’s two recurring characters, a brother and sister who were falling in love and naturally fuck by the episode’s end. The sex scene was just like those in Lolita Anime, leading me to the impression that they would be similar to that in all the 80s shows, though Cream Lemon had a big ass lens flare to censor the boy’s cock and block out the loli’s snatch, though only when it was open. Needless to say, the girl was a super-awesome loli.

So there you have it – the 80s, just like today, were all about fucking little girls, so before you go saying that modern anime is full of lolis and shit, look back at the original. I took the liberty of adding Lolita Anime to MyAL, so go watch it and add it to your list.

Gooey, Delicious Nacho Cheese – AKA Senseless Violence and Boobs – AKA why the 80s are great PART 2: This Time With Less Lesbians and Transvestites and more Ewoks and Decapitation

Outlanders is a 45-minute OVA from the 80s which can easily be described as “Project A-ko + Ewoks – Transvestites.” It’s got the same animation style, wacky plot, mix of sci-fi and romance, totally random senseless violence, and more fanservice than you can shake a stick at. Overall, Project A-Ko is certainly better, but Outlanders is certainly worth a look, especially if you enjoyed the former (unless you just watched it for potential yuri which you won’t find here.) The show begins with an alien ship landing on earth to military resistance. A hot, scantily clad warrior chick pops up with a sword and mercilessly slaughters the soldiers to a backdrop of freakishly upbeat music

This guy here pops out of a hole when a head falls into it and starts taking snapshots of the hot chick. When she comes at him, he manages to disorient her with his camera’s flash and pin her against the wall. When he sees her cleavage he gets a hard-on and the girl FWR becomes instantly smitten with him. She kisses him (so that he can understand her language, of course) and then knocks him out and kidnaps him. He awakens on an alien ship where he learns that he is to marry this girl, who instantly fell in love with him. Or is it that her father plans to destroy his planet, and she wants to marry him to make it stop? Or is it that she wants to marry a random person to show her father he can’t dictate her life? Or is she just a really horny virgin? All signs point to yes and really, if you give a shit about the plot, you’re out of your damn mind.

What really matters here is some great animation and BOATOADS of fanservice. I’d say a good 5th of the screentime occupies a naked female body usually with full-on breast coverage. Oh yes, this OVA was pretty much conceived for the sole purpose of giving preteens (and myself later tonight) something to masturbate to, and something to get your hopes up. After all, the main character is just your average ridiculously perverted virgin 19-year-old who gets to marry an insanely hot alien chick and fuck her IN SPACE. The leading lady was fun and memorable, and the older couple (of hawt babe and GAR beastman) were a lot of fun (especially in their intimate scenes where they played the older couple role to perfection). It’s not something you’ll remember as a favorite, but a fond memory, and since it’s short it’ll be fine for rewatching. The fights weren’t half as cool as A-ko’s but were fine, and it does the good service of not being movie length. Give it a go if you like the 80s.

Click here for boobs.

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Rewatching

I’ve been rewatching Trigun lately which is damn amazing. When I was younger, I probably mostly liked it because it contained violence and comedy, which was enough for me to like anything, but now I see a whole new angle of what makes it great. For an episodic adventure, the pacing is perfect, which, while not unprecedented, is still impressive. More importantly is the great characterization – we slowly but surely see more sides of Vash often in only a brief moment that makes a big difference. There is always some extreme action which helps us see exactly how strongly he feels about things. As of episode 9, the most notale one is where Vash is so desperate not to kill anyone that he finds himself bandaging an enemy while e himself suffers a major wound. It goes beyond just showing his morals – we see that he is so desperate to keep this promise that his life depends on it – he has based his existence around the belief that he shouldn’t kill and it would destroy him if he did. Moments like that are why Trigun could be considered a classic.

I also commenced my rewatch of Manabi Straight (skipping ep one since I watched it a little while ago raw) and after the second episode I realized that, just as I expected, the show is even better than I remember. Of course, the great directing, animation, fun moments, and all-around air of the show are just as ood as they were then, but what makes it even more fun is little moments I didn’t catch before, like exactly what it meant when Manabi grabs Mei’s hand as she is trying to leave the clubroom and becomes flustered. Another thing is Manabi’s character – she’s amazing. She is always saying embarrassing things that, when you hear them, seem obvious, but you would never think to say them yourself (like a happy version of Boogiepop!!) and most of her speeches give me chills. God I love this show.

One More Red Nightmare OR This is What I've Been Doing for 3 Days

I had a LOT of fun making this, and probably a lot more than you’ll have reading it, but whatever. Basically I sat around on this good stream site and watched the first eps of a whole bunch of shows I was interested in. Some where completely fucking awesome, and I will be continuing them very shortly. Some were boring to the point that I can’t even remember what happened in them, a lot were okay, and one or two were so completely fucking terrible that I am forced to continue out of pure morbid curiosity. REDO NAITOMEIYA NI YOUKOSO!

FIRST EPS IMPRESSIONS

Ah! My Goddess!

I think I’ve heard before that Ah My Goddess has multiple manga series, and I know it has an assload of anime seasons, so it’s a complicated show to jump into. Long ago, I checked out the first volume of what I assume was the original manga from a school library (hardbacked, lol.) I didn’t like it at all a the time – mostly because i found the characters to be ugly as all shit. The anime cures this major issue by having really really cute designs. From what I recall of the manga, the anime version of the first chapter is lengthened to further accentuate the shitty luck of the protagonist and push Belldandy’s appearance tot he back of the episode. While it wasn’t a bad ep, I hate it when the whole first episode is dedicated to the situation that the show’s plot will be all about getting rid of. I think I might continue the show just because it has so many hardcore fans, but I’m not making any bold statements just yet.

STATUS: On-Hold

Aishiteruze Baby

Insert lolicon joke here. Naw, you’d really have to be an idiot to expect any lolicon shit out of this what with the blatantly shoujo designs (which are actually quite good.) This show’s first ep had the grave misfortune of being exactly the same as Kure-nai’s first ep except NOT Kure-nai. Both eps have a high school guy arbitrarily finding himself the protector of a young girl whom he has to leave somewhere, both girls run away, and both girls are found in a park crying. However, the difference in production is night and day – Kure-nai is done by one of my favorite directors and is known for it’s insanely good dialog. Baby is the polar opposite. The dialog, acting, and overall feel was really awkward. There were places where talking just… stopped, making conversations feel weird and the voice acting was sub-par. That said, it wasn’t bad – the jokes made me laugh twice within 10 minutes which is a good thing, but I don’t know that i’d be compelled to watch more, especially when I could just continue Chocotto Sister instead.

STATUS: On-Hold

Basilisk

Random well-animated violence? I’m in! The plot seems really uninteresting, but there’s more than enough action at leas in this ep to forgive it. It’s a potential drop, but if it keeps to the first ep’s formula it’ll be fine.

STSTUS: Watching

Blood +

I’ve watched about a collective 15 minutes of this show on [AS] and thought it was pretty boring, but then again, I’ve thought that about pretty much anything I only watch little snips of, so I could be wrong – first ep wasn’t much to prove me wrong. It was mostly rather boring but when it picked up it actually managed to make me jump twice, and impressed my inner fanboy with a referential death to the movie. I’m willing to watch more on the basis of good word for the show, but I’ll need a couple more eps before I can decide to drop it or not.

STATUS: On-Hold

Blue Submarine No. 6

Excellent! All the best things about Gonzo put together! Very reminiscent of Last Exile (no surprise) and also has hawt fish girl (of whom I’ve seen some great pron) lots of awesome fights and not much else, which is how I like it. The music was beyond excellent, too.

STATUS: Very Watching

Cardcaptor Sakura

I was spellbound. It’s absurdly good. Shoujo without being head-explodingly frilly like Princess Tutu or stupidly kiddy like Lyrical Nanoha. The pacing, directing, and dialog all fit well and the characters are instantly memorable. Sakura is adorable and likeable beyond all reason and everyone else brims with potential. I can’t believe something I made fun of when I was 7 is something I’m enthusiastic about now, but I was genuinely blown away.

STATUS: Very Watching

Gintama

It’s Gintama.

STATUS: Watching

Gungrave

erm… what the hell happened here…

STATUS: Watching… on eggshells.

Hellsing Ultimate

This was weird – it fixed  some of the problems that the original anime had, but also ignored some of the manga’s problems that the anime helped fix to some degree. This OVA was pretty much an exact image-by-image port of the manga (of which I used to own two volumes, and the same amount of the original anime DVDs) which was good becasue it made the action move fast as all hell, and the first volume of the manga was packed into one 45 minute episode as opposed to 4 regular length eps even after leaving out the little backstory chapter. However, this means that the stylistic additions of the first anime are gone. The whole red-sky thing in the first ep as well as changing the fight location from Generic Field to Badass Church were great idea, but they have been swapped out. There is a bit of style from what was naturally inherent in the manga, but not nearly as much as the first anime. In addition there’s the major issue of art – no matter how you look at it, the Hellsing manga is not exactly well drawn. There are lots of really cool images at the sacrifice of proportion, consistency, and making sense in terms of what the fuck is going on. Those things work in manga form, but fall apart in anime form – they did next to nothing to increase the sensibility of those images in the anime. Overall, I actualyl do like it more than the first anime because it moved fast enough to keep my attention, but this still isn’t the perfect Hellsing. There is a way to do this story, I just hasn’t been done yet.

STATUS: On-Hold

Legend of Duo

Oh. My. God. This is one of the worst fucking things I’ve ever seen, but at 5 mins an ep  I MUST finish it. It’s bad on the level of coming full circle to awesomeness. I’m in awe.

STATUS: Very Watching

Mars Daybreak

Jesus Christ this could not have been more completely uninteresting. Besides containing the BEST CRANE EVER, the first ep was worthless. It at least had some fighting, but even that was tame, poorly animated, and boring. Worst Bones show yet, and one of the least interesting things I’ve seen in a while. I couldn’t even get a grasp of the plot, I was so bored I couldn’t pay attention.

STATUS: Dropped

Master Mosquiton 99

I knew the 90s were weird, but this is just absurd. As one of the weirdest first eps I’ve seen in a while and a seriously 90s feel pervading, I must watch more. But I have no clue what to expect.

STATUS: Watching

Melody of Oblivion

TITTIES. And trippiness. The first ep was a lot like the first ep of Raxhephon, with an equally little amount of plot exposition and just a tad more lolWTF. There were several moments in the second half of the ep that made my face contort in ‘?!’ which is a good thing, and the visual trippiness combined with the female lead’s intense promiscuity (for an anime character; she literally begs the MC to fuck her) are enough for me to continue.

STATUS: Watching

Monster

There’s no way in hell I’ll jump into watching this what with it being 74 FUCKING episodes, but the first episode was pretty good. Loving the psychological aspect of it all – Monster is one of those shows that 90% of who sees it thinks its the best thing since fucking sliced bread, so I’ll get back to it whenever possible.

STATUS: On-Hold Shortly

Oban Star-Racers

Anime in English?? From the bastards who brought you Code Lyoko (i.e. the French) in coalition with Japan, it’s a show produced originally in English (and apparently French) and aside from the embarrassment of being a Jetix show, it’s pretty good. I like adventure shows a lot, especially when they are entertaining and star a girl who, despite lack of nose and cartoony design, I would so totally bang.

STATUS: Watching

Samurai 7

I am aware that watching this won’t spare me the 3-hour behemoth that is Akira Kurosawa’s classic, but I’ve never been one to blame adaptions foro being themselves, so I’ll try em both out. I’ve found myelf liking GONZO more and more the more older shows I see by them, lol. First ep so far so, well, decent at least, seems interesting enough. I like the blend of sci-fi and fantasy and the general adventurous feel.

STATUS: Watching

School Rumble

Meh. Not bad, but not great. The motorcycle guy is kind of funny. The initial D reference made me giggle, but no outright laughs. Might continue sometime.

STATUS: On-Hold

Seirei no Moribito

Interesting beyond just the ZOMG animation. I can see myself greatly liking Balsa and hopefully the kid doesn’t turn out to be totally annoying. Seeing as how I’m already talking like I’m watching it, I must’ve been pretty drawn in. I know people say it’s boring, but as long as it’s not political I’ll probably be fine.

STATUS: Watching

Wolf’s Rain

No more exciting than the 15 or so boring minutes I saw on [AS] years back, but pretentious and weird enough (actually, Bones and Yoko Kanno enough) for me to continue. Eventually. Maybe.

STATUS: On-Hold

Yakitate! Japan

Awesome. I’ve been looking forward to this one, and it’s well warranted. One of my personal dreams is to try every kind of bread out there, so i be feelin this shit.

STATUS: Watching

How Do You Blog? You Fight For Blog, You Plug Blog In.

^ noneget reference

Blissmo actually did something right and made me want to post about why I blog. I’ll tell ya right off, unlike her, I didn’t do it out of any interest in anime blogs. While this is my first wordpress blog, I’ve been making random pages and sites with every damn host that comes to mind – all in the name of internet fame. It’s something I’ve been trying for 4 years to achieve. It’s not about the fame itself – my ultimate goal is and always has been to have an opinion with authority behind it. What it comes down to is my obsession with making everyone become like me, stemming likely from childhood ostracizing. If there is one thing I want, it’s for other people to be moved by things which move me. I want other people to see and hear what I do, and experience the beauty of those things. This stems from my desire to find someone who’s like myself, most likely set off by some childhood ostracizing. To put it in context you can easily understand, I want to be the Epert of anime. After all, I’ve been writing reviews for-fucking-ever. In fact, before I made this blog, I was working a music review site on freewebs (Digital Boy Reviews, hence my email address.) It didn’t have a feature to show me hits, though, and there were no comments, and I never got any emails, so I just assumed no one was actually reading it and abandoned it.

Well, last year when I started getting back into anime and was hanging out on the Megatokyo forums, I started to notice that a bunch of people had blogs, and most seemed to be hosted on WordPress. Never one to be left out, I immediately started this blog – being able to see my hit count and comments has been a major driving force to keep me going with it, because I’m a whore for recognition and couldn’t have done it otherwise.


Nevada-tan!

It does make me sad, in a way, because I am much more proud of things like my FUCKING YOUTUBE VIDEOS which get like NO FUCKING HITS and my reviews for which I currently have no home. However, I am quite proud of the recognition this blog gets, even if I get in one day the hits it’s taken my videos a FUCKING YEAR to get.

(i’ve been doing some epic link-dropping lately…)

The Hottest Manga Page of All Time

Nobue Ito is a cahracter from Ichigo Mashimaro. The girls all refer to her as onee-chan because, as the older sister of one of them, and general leader of the group she is incredibly sisterly to them all and takes care of them. Check one – Digital Boy likes mature women who seem older than him, and as an older brother who practically raised his siblings, admire anyone who is motherly in any way. I have been known to talk about how much I wish I had a kid after all.

Nobue is a chain smoker to the point that her cash all gets poured into it. She also drives a rad motor cycle. She dresses cool, and always has a blase, chill attitude about things. Check two – Digital Boy likes cool women, ESPECIALLY smokers. He doesn’t really know why, but he has a fetish for smokers I guess. He also enjoys anyone who is very chill.

Nobue is a lolicon. She’s always joked around with for constantly talking about how cute Ana and Matsuri are and wanting to keep them around. Check three – Digital Boy is a lolicon.

These attributes have long kept Nobue in my number 1 top spot for coolest anime female ever and ultimate would-be waifu. If I could choose one anime girl to make real/find a real girl like them it would be Nobue.

ESPECIALLY considering what her favorite movies/directors are!!!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 I also know for a fact she likes the Red Hot Chili Peppers. She’s fucking perfect.

Damn, That Wolf is Spicy!

Spice and Wolf ep 7, the DVD only ep, is out and subbed and great. It’s made up of the finest things from the show – dialog, economics, great art, fuckwin music, and good ol’ fantasy towns. Let’s not forget horo the Wise, one of my top 5 or so ‘perfect waifu’ characters. I think I’d like to meet a girl like her more than anyone else, even just as casual friends – we’d never get bored. I find it funny that when it comes to dealing with women, I identify more with Lawrence’s odd antics more than any other character’s. The mix of quick wit, small flirtations, and a non-apprehensive but open attitude is a combination I am familiar with, lol. Evidently there’s someone else like me out there, and he decided to write about his ideal girl and his ideal adventure – it’s the only way I can perceive this.

It’s interesting watching this show and knowing all the songs, haha. It’s not something I’m too used to, but it’s a cool feeling. Spice and Wolf has easily among my top 3 favorite anime soundtracks (I’d say Cowboy Bebop and Arjuna prolly make up the other 2). This ep had great dialog and lots of cannibalistic overtones. Horo’s tease about eating her is easily one of the most erotic things I’ve ever heard in anime. Period.

GODDAMMIT NOW I WANT TO BUY THAT FIGURE.