Zen of the Zetsubou Girls 1: Ai Kaga – Don't F This Up (5)

A post in the “Don’t Fuck This Up” series. In reply to comment number 24, by Owen S.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei is a show that stars a fairly large cast of voluptuous young ladies. When I was put to the task of delving into what exactly makes each of these girls so attractive – getting into ‘the bones of my boner’ so to speak – I knew I was facing quite a challenge. First, I knew it would have to be done in a series of posts. And second, I knew it couldn’t be done alone. The reason you see this Itoshiki avatar next to my text is that I’ve enlisted a fellow author to help me in the task of boning the Zetsubou girls! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to introduce the man himself, the director of Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Akiyuki Shinbo!

Obviously, I am not Akiyuki Shinbo. I am some poor fool who is trapped in Digital Boy’s sick game. I will, however, try my hardest to emulate Shinbo-sensei for your entertainment.

Shinbo and I are going to analyze what makes each of the Zetsubou girls boner-inducing, then talk about how we are ‘the bone of our boner’ by exploring the psychological connotations of our attraction to the girls. Finally, we will discuss the various doujins and other pornographic material that we like for each girl. As an added bonus, we’ve included some of our favorite images of the girls – we were careful to use ones where they are wearing clothes.

That wasn’t easy, man. There was so much porn. So much GREAT porn.

To keep things orderly, we decided to do the girls in alphabetical order. However, it’s alphabetical order by the English organization of their names, so it’s still pretty disorderly.

That’s called stickin’ it to the man! Let’s hurry up and get this show started, I’m itching to dive into our first girl!

Art by Numeri http://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=numeri_%28pixiv%29

Kaga Ai

…Shit, who the hell is this again? Zetsubou shita! It’s the first girl and I’m already lost!!!

I don’t blame you for forgetting – Kaga Ai-chan didn’t show up until near the end of the first season and then played a pretty minor role in the second season. I’m sure that her fans will blame my laziness as a director for this lateness and attempt to crucify me. Oh, and her voice was Saori Goto, who is honestly not on my radar.

She definitely wasn’t the most interesting girl in the cast. A quick glance at Wikipedia reminds me that she was the girl who always felt the need to apologize for everything, even if she had nothing to do with it. That joke could get old. Having said that, though, she’s pretty attractive, body-wise. Can’t say that I dig the perpetually worried facial expression, though.

Ah, but see, her apologetic personality makes her a perfect blow-job character. Girls are always uptight about mouth-service, but if she’s always trying to apologize to you in some way, you can take advantage of it. Say something like ‘I hope you plan to take responsibility for giving me this huge boner!’ And then when she’s staring it down like a warrior on the battlefield, you say “is this the mouth that’s always making apologies?” and stick it in.

I see, I see, you are obviously more experienced with this archetype. Very nicely put indeed! I’m sure this fetish has it’s own niche. Now, if that’s enough for what kind of hot she is, let’s move on to the psychological implications of her attractiveness.

Art by Numeri http://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=numeri_%28pixiv%29

The Bone of My Boner

Each of the Zetsubou girls has their own psychological problems, and Ai-chan’s is a tendency to take the blame for everything. There are a number of ways that this can become soothing for her partner: For starters, it becomes more difficult for you to feel guilty about something, because Ai-chan is willing to take the blame. You also get to be protective of her, in that you can give her the comfort and reassurance of forgiveness. Imagine a situation in which your own mistake becomes your way to get closer in your relationship. It’s a no-fail plan.

Of course, there’s also the chance that you’ll start feeling guilty all the time as well for making Ai feel guilty. There runs a chance of you becoming as silly as her, and the two of you getting caught in a loop of perpetual back-and-forth apology. I only recommend a relationship with Ai to a really guiltless bastard. I think she’d make a great wife to a yakuza member.

Art by Numeri http://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=numeri_%28pixiv%29

Doujins and Pics

That Numeri guy must be a big fan of Ai-chan. Most of our favorite non-pornographic images came from him. That said, there isn’t a huge selection for her, work-safe or otherwise. You can see a mix of safe and unsafe images here – There’s a decent number of good nudie pics, but I don’t know if it’s enough to fuel a full fap. Guess it depends on your speed. How did the doujin hunt go, Digital Boy?

Pathetically. I didn’t find a single doujin that was centered around her. The best I got was a single page of her getting it from behind in Mukai no Shiba mo Aokatta (NSFW). I wasn’t even sure it was her at first because the pony-tail seemed so long, but I can’t think of who else it would be.

That’s a really poor selection there, Digiboy. The fans will be disappointed! I might have an Ai-chan doujin in my private collection, but it would take hours to find. And I’m not breaking the binding for you lazy otaku.

Ah! Hold on a minute! I spotted her in another doujin! She’s right there on page 32 in Zetsu Mousou Riron Kyouiku Kouza!!!

Yep, that’s her all right – fully clothed and apologizing to the reader. Epic fail, Digiboy.

Well, that’s all I have for Ai Kaga. Be sure to tune in next time as we delve into more of the Zetsubou harem! There’s sure to be a lot of fun and beautiful women ahead!

As if they’d really come back!