Bleach: The Diamond Dust Rebellion is a Steaming Pile of Shitty Ass Shit

What the fuck Baka-Raptor? You said that The Diamond Dust Rebellion was ‘almost the ultimate filler movie.’ Let me make a list of filler movies that were better than this one: every One Piece movie (even the silly first one), every Pokemon movie (even the Celebi and Jirachi ones), the Cowboy Bebop movie (which I didn’t even like), all of the Dragon Ball Z movies I’ve seen (at least they had random Disturbed songs in them! Though the only good part of Diamond Dust was the music), probably the Inuyasha movies (never finished the one I saw), the Yu Yu Hakusho movie, the Rurouni Kenshin movie, and if the Transformers movie counts as filler (I think it was actually considered part of the plot), then that too!

The Diamond Dust Rebellion was a god-awful film. There was simply no joy in this film whatsoever. From start to finish, it is nothing but straight-faced characters rattling off the plot in long trains of boring dialog. Yes, most of the characters show up, but none of them does a god damn thing other than say at least one line and then be completely useless. Even Ichigo is useless through the entire movie! It stars Hitsugaya Toushirou and it’s easy to see that the movie’s sole purpose was to cash in on Toushirou’s popularity (he tops every ‘favorite character’ poll.) But fucking Toushirou is as useless as the rest, spending half of the movie being emo and wounded and then having an entirely anticlimactic final battle against his old friend.

The plot was complete shit, the characters made up for the movie were complete shit, the existing characters did absolutely nothing of note (even Kenpachi fucking Zaraki managed to be made boring by this movie! He has one fight lasting about 10 seconds and then gets one somewhat-cool moment of breaking some big pillar. At least Ikkaku Madarame was kind of cool in this movie.), and the fight scenes were utter fucking shit. Sure, they were well animated, but nothing happens in them! None of the fights last more than 10 seconds and everything is pretty much killed in one slash – meaningless. Fuck this movie, fuck everything about it. Now I have some more important things to talk about.

This was my first time watching Bleach as an anime with the exception of some AMVs and random moments caught on Cartoon Network. Let me say that I find everything about it disgusting. The character designs have been completely ruined. Ichigo looks hideous in every way I can name – maybe it’s because Kubo likes tall and lanky characters, which animators have shown us consistently that they cannot draw through most of the CLAMP works that have been made (looking at you XxXHolic and Code Geass). Rukia looks like she’s cross-eyed for some reason (though she ought to be with that bang!), and Kenpachi’s face is too small. Orihime’s boobs seem to have shrunk, and Matsumoto just looks unattractive (why is her hair orange, anyway? I always thought she was blond?) I think the anime also might be the cause of Yoruichi’s boobs looking too big in all the fanart of her, which just gives me hatred feul.

The voice acting was wholly disappointing. There were one or two cases of spot-on, but the rest had me scratching my head.

My biggest gripe by far was Rukia! What the hell?! It’s like they told Fumika Orikasa ‘okay, pretend like you’re playing a guy.’ Maybe she talks like a guy if you read the manga in Japanese or something? What made them think the voice of Seras Victoria from Hellsing was right for Rukia? And oddly, she also played Himeko in Pani Poni Dash, who is miles closer to what I would expect Rukia to sound like, but she’s not using that voice!!! I always imagined Rukia sounding like Kotoni Mitsuishi or something…

Probably the best voice was Paku Romi as Hitsugaya, which is no surprise in the slightest because Paku Romi is the goddess of playing young boys, especially serious ones in those times when you want to take them seriously (like Edward Elric from FullMetal Alchemist.)

The other one I was really happy about had me ROFLMAOING, which was Ryusei Nakao playing Kurotsuchi Mayuri to the exactness that I imagined him. The amazing Nobuyuki Hiyama was also there playing Ikkaku Madarame, which was totally cool. Jun Fukuyama would also be the ABSOLUTELY PERFECT voice for Yumichika, but he unfortunately got like 2 lines in this movie which were both like ‘yeah, Madarame!’ Shinichiro Miki also sounded just right for Urahara Kisuke, but once again only had one line. That only leaves one of the best roles, which was Takayuki Sugo as Zangetsu sounding like a dead ringer for Norio Wakamoto.

For everyone else I had the same complaint – they were fucking generic! None of the voices really had any personality! Ichigo sounded like a god damned block of wood (Masazaku Morita plays fucking Rail Tracer, who is great, but in no way similar to Ichigo) . Uryuu sounded like he could almost fit the character, but the performance was just so flat (and one has to wonder if the writing had to do with that, too). Orihime’s voice was outright boring (Yuki Matsuoka does a totally generic cute voice, I think she should be strictly limited to psychopaths like Tsuruya from now on.). Abarai Renji less sounded boring than just bored – when he was angry, he sounded okay, but for his speaking voice, it was just way too deep. I imagined him sounding like Kazuya Nakai or something. Without getting into anyone else I’ll just say ‘none of it matched my imagination.’

Actually the biggest reason I wanted to watch something Bleach-anime related was to hear Rie Kugimiya as Kurosaki Karin and Nemu Kurotsuchi, but she had exactly one line as each. If nothing else, though, I can safely say she showed her range in those two lines – one was her ‘usual’ voice and the other was totally calm and deeper. I couldn’t say much about her role as Karin since she was playing a kid in a flashback, but I will say that as good as the line was, I can in no way imagine Karin played by Kugimiya Rie. Though the more I think about it, the more I want it to fit.

Yeah, I’m not watching any more of the Bleach anime.

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5 thoughts on “Bleach: The Diamond Dust Rebellion is a Steaming Pile of Shitty Ass Shit

  1. Oh, and Satsuki Yukino might have been a great Yoruichi if by the time she showed up in the movie I wasn’t so ready to kill myself that I didn’t care what anyone sounded like anymore.

    • Haha, funny. This isn’t a post about the movies quality though, it’s about me hating it. As a Bleach fan.

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