$50 Eureka with Starfish from Eureka Seven
This is another case of ‘too good to be true’, another sold-out figure, though at least this one was always in the 50-65 dollar range. At Otakon 2008, my goal was to ‘buy at least one thing relating to each of my favorite series’ and I succeeded, in a way that totally FAILS. I actually never even liked this Eureka figure when I saw it online!!! It’s just that it was the only Eureka figure there was, so I wanted it! And when I finally found it, I bought it immediately. WHYYY?!
So first of all, it’s not even an attractive figure to begin with. That alone puts it on this list. The fact that it’s fake makes it worse, and it’s not even a great fake. There are lines that have had no attempt made to be painted over and lash out at you like they are making fun of you. Her face is not a face Eureka would ever make. Everything about this figure is disappointing. Get this out of my face.
$80 Kawazoe Tamaki figure from Bamboo Blade
FUCK! This one is actually REAL. That doesn’t stop it from being my worst purchase ever. And I can’t even blame it on my first con, because I got this a year later at Otakon 2009. I was really hesitant to buy it. I wanted it to be cheaper, and I waited till midday Sunday to buy it, much to the shop-runner’s surprise, at full price. I had actually wanted this for some time. As soon as I found out about a Tama-chan figure online, I had it on my wish-lists from figure sites, because I fucking love Tama-chan! What a mistake.
This is THE most boring figure ever. She is just standing there. She has two faces – one is sort of placid but easily mistaken for bewildered, and it made no sense with her pose. The other is the above warrior face which is at least cool. But nonetheless, she’s standing there, and doesn’t even show a bit of skin – it’s just the uber-long kendo uniform. But the worst part is her accessories. Tama-chan comes with a kendo sword, helmet, and torso-guard of appropriate size… SO WHY CAN’T SHE USE ANY OF THEM?! Her hands are perpetually gripping her belt, so she can’t hold the sword. Her arms are too close to her torso to put on the armor (believe me, I’ve spent upwards of half an hour trying) and her helmet is too small for her head. REAL FUCKING COOL ACCESSORIES!
Tama-chan’s stand is enormous and she stands in the corner of it, implying that you are supposed to just leave her armor on the ground around her. And don’t forget the special hole for the kendo sword so that it can stand straight up like a middle finger to the buyer screaming ‘fuck you, dumbass!’ Why did this happen? But here’s the real salt in the fucking wound – there is a much better Tama-chan figure out there. It’s her in her school uniform looking like she’s about to take off in a run. It’s cute – it’s well-crafted – it looks more like it’s right from the show – it would be an exciting addition to a collection, and it’s the same exact price as the shit I bought. And what’s more, they actually were selling it at my local comic store for a while after the con. My regret is truly boundless. If I’d had 80 bucks, I seriously would have considered buying that figure. And maybe I could have sold this piece of shit off on the cheap.
The thing is, none of this would be so bad if these were the only bad apples in my collection. If they were just blending in with a mass of awesome, I might not care, however, the truth is that I utterly failed in my figure purchases at and before my first two cons, and it’s only recently that I finally started getting it right. Outside of cons, I bought the modestly-priced figures of the main girls from Gunbuster and Diebuster, because they were both huge and kind of cool, but I’m not even that huge a fan of either show. I can’t even remember the girl from Gunbuster’s name. Once again, if I had a collection of fuckwin, these would be fine, but I don’t.
There are some characters that I do love that I own. I have a Konata Izumi figure, a ‘Live-a-Live’ version Haruhi Suzumiya figure, a Yuki Nagato figure, a shiny Hatsune Miku, and the KagaMiku figma (which I did actually really want), but all of these were just the relatively inexpensive figures that happen to be sold at every con. When I see something like the gorgeous World Is Mine Miku figure, I know that it would have been worth it to trade all of these cheap figures just for that one. I can deal with shiny Miku and Live-a-Live Haruhi, but the Konata and Yuki ones are just boring. The KagaMiku would be great if not for having the worst face selections ever (angry and embarrassed. That’s all you get! What the fuck?! And the embarrassed one looks stupid, so I keep the angry one on.) Why did I have to impulse buy this shit? No Name has the regular Miku figma, and I’d gladly trade KagaMiku for it. I’d trade the whole batch for the figure of Canaan jumping with a gun in her hand. Hell, for the price of these things, I could probably afford the Alphard counterpart, too.
But luckily, I finally saw the error of my ways. I’ve been careful about my figure purchases now, making sure that I don’t just spend my money on whatever is there. I have since bought a magnificent little figure of Furude Rika from Higurashi, which was only 22 bucks but was real, is attractive, and was the pride of my collection for a while. Next, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I sunk 100 bucks into the Black Rock Shooter figure, which I am very happy with. Now I’ve got a Canaan figma that keeps getting delayed, but I greatly look forward to owning it. These are figures I can be proud of, and as I slowly fill my shelves with them, I hope I can just push my regretful purchases out of sight and out of mind (but not too far, lest I forget my mistakes of youth). Good riddance.
Is there something in your collection that you truly regret purchasing?