The Ever-Embarassed Ogiue Teaches Me About My Own Reservations

I can’t seem to find the chapter in which it happened, but there is a certain scene in Genshiken wherein Ogiue Chika explains to one of her friends (I can’t remember whom) that she is embarrassed about showing her manga to the world, because she is literally putting her fantasies onto the page. When someone reads her hardcore yaoi manga, they are reading exactly what she gets off on, and there is an obvious sense that if someone sees this and finds it disgusting, it only takes a little line-drawing to consider the artist equally disgusting.

This scene spoke to me probably louder than most of Ogiue’s scenes. Ogi and I have almost opposite kinds of otaku personality – whereas she is hard on herself about otakudom and disgusted with herself, I identify with Madarame and have a thick ‘otaku pride’ going on. However, Madarame still has his reservations about what he’ll say to whom, mostly because he understands social situations (unlike Kousaka), and that’s true for me as well, simply because it makes sense and saves the hassle of explaining otaku stuff to ‘normals.’ However, Ogi’s dilemma interested me because it was dealing with her trouble in showing a part of her otakudom to fellow otaku.

Now, you know me. I am nothing if not honest and without reservation – I consider the fact that I will do and subsequently talk about anything to be the cornerstone of my appeal as a blogger. However, Ogiue made me think about the fact that, in all honesty, I can’t say that I am 100% without reservations.

A lot of it has to do with knowing my audience, and knowing what they can or will want to handle. There is a part of me that would love to run a blog with porn smacked on every page, gross explanations of lolicon fetishes abound, and many other things that would make some people feel a bit icky. But I keep myself from going all-out, because I consider what will be appreciated by my audience. However, I’d be lying if I said audience consideration was the only factor in my holding back.

I’ve had a lot of ideas for erotic fanfiction. Actually, in general, fanfiction is something that I have reservations about posting, partly because I lack confidence in my fiction writing skills, and partly because I feel like it is, to an extent, an embarrassing side to my fandom. When I think about writing an erotic fanfiction, a number of things run through my head. ‘What will people think of me when they read this?’ ‘Do people really want to read this?’ ‘Isn’t this a disgusting fantasy?’ ‘Will people look down on me for posting this?’

But what Ogiue’s friend tells her rings true – they explain that every other doujin artist and writer, etc. is doing the exact same, putting their fantasies on the page, and in truth, there’s nothing that you stand to loose from creating something like this. Some people might think it’s weird, but who cares about those people? Far more importantly, there will be people who appreciate it, who DO share those fantasies, and who will be delighted to read your story. Regardless of whether some of your audience won’t enjoy it, the endeavor is nonetheless worthwhile.

I came up with this post idea when I was actually dreaming up a potential yuri fanfiction utilizing Ichigo Mashimaro characters. At first I thought ‘my audience will not go for it, they aren’t the right kind of people’, but then I thought ‘so what?’ It’s not like I’m going to lose readers because they didn’t like my story (I’m sure I’d have lost scores by now lol) and I stand to gain something greater, either through people who share my interests, or who simply find my story interesting. As such, I feel as though I can produce fan works with much more confidence now!

Further Reading:

– Can’t talk about Ogiue without mentioning OGIUE MANIAX, the home for dissecting her character~

13 thoughts on “The Ever-Embarassed Ogiue Teaches Me About My Own Reservations

  1. Well, you know how we fans tend to be. Yes, we might be unusually fixated on late-night cartoons, but we’re not the weird ones. The REAL freaks are over there, in that hazy “other” part of the fandom where people make furry pictures or whatever. It’s like the Geek Hierarchy ( applied specifically to anime fandom. So anything that threatens that convenient illusion of normalcy, that tells us that really we can be just as freaky if we put our hearts into it, naturally makes us a bit uncomfortable.

    Ichigo Mashimaro yuri? Can’t say I’d read it myself, but I haven’t been much of a fanfic reader since high school anyway. You should do what makes you happy. :)

    • I remember this chart! I’m definitely in the ‘Pokemon fans over the age of 6’ category.

      Actually, I think it’s amazing that furry is still the only fetish that makes me totally gag. I’ve never seen an appealing furry image… it all just kind of looks gross and strange.

  2. The only reservation I have is not complaining about Danny Choo earlier. His anime is essentially all the crap I hate about anime boiled down into one tiny package if the PV is any indication. I have otaku pride, myself, but only in specific contexts where it’s not severely disadvantageous to do so. I visit one forum that is generally intolerant of anime because many of them came from really retarded Big O forums back during the Save Big O days. Others came from really retarded Mega Man forums back in the day. To avoid ridicule, I generally keep a lid on anime discussion.

  3. Pretty much what your last paragraph says. I have no interest in your pedophilic fantasies, but I’m sure someone out there is, and that’s reason enough to put it online.

  4. worst that could happen is it’d turn out hilariously awesome like the most disgusting pokemon fanfic I’ve read ever and be a complete chucklefest if you’re not an uptight dumbass

  5. I try to be as honest as I can when I write and stick to writing what I want without worrying too much about what people think – but of course, I can’t help but have some reservations, too. I don’t want to delve too deeply into anything really personal about me for fear of alienating readers. I try to stick to anime-related topics I’m passionate about without going too overboard.

    One of the major reservations I’ve had with writing fanfiction is that I like to write in the style of the original creator and make it so that my stories “could have happened” in the original. Hence, back when I was somewhat into fanfics, I only wrote filler/side-stories or my own ending only if the series in question hadn’t already ended. For example, for years I had my own way of how I wanted Inuyasha to end, which I unfortunately never got around to writing out. But once the series finished, I had no motivation to put forth my own version.

    If there’s something you really want to write and share online, go ahead and do it. Some open-minded will still respect you even if they’re not interested in the same thing. Others may not, but that’s just what happens when you start peeling away your reservations.

    Oh, and that chart that 2DT posted is great XD I would fall somewhere between the “Anime Fans…” sections and “Pokemon Fans Over the Age of Six” =P

  6. Meh, I have one or two friends that write smutfics. It’s not my cup of tea, but it’s not like I stop being friends because of it. Do what you want, just make sure you tag your posts properly. ^_^;

  7. The most terrifying thing for me is, when I write fiction that I intend to publish professionally – that TV Tropes is gonna deconstruct the hell out of my Author Appeal.

    I feel somewhat like Ogiue on the “ashamed of otakuness” thing. For a long freaking time I’ve been a weaboo – but as I grew as a writer I kind of deconstructed the idea of the half-Japanese construct as the ultimate weeaboo that even regular white people can’t surpass – I noticed my story was essentially the tale of a man who clung to anime and manga as some of the only stuff he really understood about Japan while living in Australia. I tend to subvert the hell out of fiction tropes – lately I went through a phase where I started reading Western comics again because I missed one of my blogger buddies who reviews comics instead of manga – but really I can’t change the fact that the majority of Western comics as the big two understand them – have an entirely alienating art style and worldview. I have no interest in The Punisher – but at the same time Watchmen is one of the best comics, even stories – I’ve read in any medium.

    My stories I write aren’t so much complete copies of my fantasies on paper – but also my attempt at deconstructing human quirks and what makes them tick.

  8. Pingback: Team Ogi and Team Ohno: Why the Genshiken manga puts me in two minds — SNAG Vs. World

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