I can’t seem to find the chapter in which it happened, but there is a certain scene in Genshiken wherein Ogiue Chika explains to one of her friends (I can’t remember whom) that she is embarrassed about showing her manga to the world, because she is literally putting her fantasies onto the page. When someone reads her hardcore yaoi manga, they are reading exactly what she gets off on, and there is an obvious sense that if someone sees this and finds it disgusting, it only takes a little line-drawing to consider the artist equally disgusting.
This scene spoke to me probably louder than most of Ogiue’s scenes. Ogi and I have almost opposite kinds of otaku personality – whereas she is hard on herself about otakudom and disgusted with herself, I identify with Madarame and have a thick ‘otaku pride’ going on. However, Madarame still has his reservations about what he’ll say to whom, mostly because he understands social situations (unlike Kousaka), and that’s true for me as well, simply because it makes sense and saves the hassle of explaining otaku stuff to ‘normals.’ However, Ogi’s dilemma interested me because it was dealing with her trouble in showing a part of her otakudom to fellow otaku.
Now, you know me. I am nothing if not honest and without reservation – I consider the fact that I will do and subsequently talk about anything to be the cornerstone of my appeal as a blogger. However, Ogiue made me think about the fact that, in all honesty, I can’t say that I am 100% without reservations.
A lot of it has to do with knowing my audience, and knowing what they can or will want to handle. There is a part of me that would love to run a blog with porn smacked on every page, gross explanations of lolicon fetishes abound, and many other things that would make some people feel a bit icky. But I keep myself from going all-out, because I consider what will be appreciated by my audience. However, I’d be lying if I said audience consideration was the only factor in my holding back.
I’ve had a lot of ideas for erotic fanfiction. Actually, in general, fanfiction is something that I have reservations about posting, partly because I lack confidence in my fiction writing skills, and partly because I feel like it is, to an extent, an embarrassing side to my fandom. When I think about writing an erotic fanfiction, a number of things run through my head. ‘What will people think of me when they read this?’ ‘Do people really want to read this?’ ‘Isn’t this a disgusting fantasy?’ ‘Will people look down on me for posting this?’
But what Ogiue’s friend tells her rings true – they explain that every other doujin artist and writer, etc. is doing the exact same, putting their fantasies on the page, and in truth, there’s nothing that you stand to loose from creating something like this. Some people might think it’s weird, but who cares about those people? Far more importantly, there will be people who appreciate it, who DO share those fantasies, and who will be delighted to read your story. Regardless of whether some of your audience won’t enjoy it, the endeavor is nonetheless worthwhile.
I came up with this post idea when I was actually dreaming up a potential yuri fanfiction utilizing Ichigo Mashimaro characters. At first I thought ‘my audience will not go for it, they aren’t the right kind of people’, but then I thought ‘so what?’ It’s not like I’m going to lose readers because they didn’t like my story (I’m sure I’d have lost scores by now lol) and I stand to gain something greater, either through people who share my interests, or who simply find my story interesting. As such, I feel as though I can produce fan works with much more confidence now!
– Can’t talk about Ogiue without mentioning OGIUE MANIAX, the home for dissecting her character~