Elitist Attitudes: Unhelpful As Always

Since omo was apparently too upset with my Girlish Number video to leave a comment about his issues (or to clarify exactly what they were beyond that I apparently don’t know whatever it is that he knows), I want to tackle his point from a broader lens.

I have no trouble with the idea that my video is unenjoyable to some, possibly misinformed in comparison to the show’s artistic intent, or simply not relatable. These things happen. I’m writing opinion pieces online, so it’s more accurate to say this always happens.

What grinds my gears about omo’s response is that, rather than “here’s what it’s really like,” or, “here’s an interview that gives more context into the show’s meaning,” or, “I see it this way,” omo’s post is just an accusation–the foundation of which is that we take it for granted he just knows what he’s talking about. He has read some stuff that I haven’t, so he knows more than I do, and therefore it’s in his authority to tell me that I’ve done a bad job. His advice, then (the same elitist one seen in every community): “get good.” Great.

I suppose if I can’t read Japanese, it’d be best if I just don’t even talk about anime. After all, I’m just appropriating the cultur(al export, which has invited me to be a part of its audience by streaming on Crunchyroll with English subtitles in my country). There’s apparently a minimum bar of interviews to read about a show before your interpretation of it is worthwhile; and if I didn’t have the forethought to research them extensively before writing an intensely personal opinion piece (and make no mistake, it is presented as nothing other than that), then I shouldn’t bother. Or, I suppose, the only people who can really talk about this one are “seiota who actually care about Girlish Number,” whatever nebulous concept of a person this describes.

Omo lists a bunch of “misreads,” with no indications of what the “proper” readings are, or even an offering of his own stances. His post is 7 paragraphs of “Digibro is wrong because I say so.” I don’t know if he thinks I’m unwilling to see and potentially agree with an alternate take, or if he just doesn’t care to provide one. Maybe he’s happier with the idea that I’m wrong and won’t be right, and just wants someone to laugh at. Maybe he just couldn’t be asked to go that far, but felt he had to speak up anyways. I certainly can’t imagine that he thought he was speaking to just his audience out of earshot or something, given that I’ve been following his blog for a decade and still leave comments, and respond to his on my writing regularly as well–many of which have the exact tone of this post; a constant sequence of accusations of a need to “dig deeper,” with no suggestion on what that means or how it can be done. It’s not that I expect omo to take that kind of time out for me, but I don’t know what the hell the point is of this entire anime blogging community if it’s not to share ideas, compare notes, and communicate. Apparently, it’s to shit on anyone who hasn’t reached your level of enlightenment yet.

The rest of his post is salty over how I make more money than “real industry pros and people who know what they’re talking about.” Had he linked to any of them, I could read their work, spread it around, and help them to maybe gain more traction. It’s not like I’m happy with the idea that there’s not a whole higher level of critics who can do it professionally like I can. I make no apologies about what my work is, because it is not pretending to be anything but opinion pieces that some find charismatic to their tastes. I don’t even disagree that I’m no different from some light novel author–I basically say as much in the video itself, lamenting that I have to “play the game” to make money. But I don’t think that I have to be torn down for the better stuff to be propped up (nor do I even think this of light novels and their adaptations themselves; I just have fun doing it. Maybe all omo wants to do here is to have fun, then?)

At the end he basically outright says to get your information from Japan or go home, because I suppose the only worthwhile writing is from a closed box of informed individuals (a sort of seiota academia?). Well, specifically he says “any seiota worth their salt,” which may just be a tangent since I’m not a seiota in the first place and I’m sure he knows this. He takes potshots then at youtube videos by mere concept, as something “playing in the background while they do something else.” I wouldn’t deny that I can make money from people doing things like this, but nevermind the thriving community of discussion around my videos which, at the end of the day, are literally the same thing as blog posts. They are here to share perspectives and start conversations, and the response to them is every bit as important as the videos themselves; which is why it’s so sad that in this case, instead of a response which starts a conversation and shares information, possibly helping me (or anyone else reading) to access a new perspective and new information about Girlish Number (something I’d greatly enjoy for my favorite show of the year–one which I’ve now helped a sizable portion of my viewership to get into and care about and have a thirst to talk about), we get a bunch of elitist potshots from up on high on the ivory tower of seiota.

It’s not omo’s job to do my research for me, or to write a coherent refutation of my points, but if all he wants to do is smugly gloat over how wrong I am, then I don’t know why he has to do it in public and in front of my face, other than to be a dick. The man has been a huge influence on the way that I look at and talk about anime over the years, so if anything I would be waiting with bated breath to hear him impart some actual advice besides the nebulous “read interviews” (where? how? how many is enough? If I can’t read Japanese, can I do enough to satisfy you, oh master?) Instead, I find his post obnoxious, unhelpful, and seemingly intended to put himself into a gated community and assure me that I’m an outsider to it, needing to pass some rite of passage to be worthy of entry; and that kind of elitist attitude is everything I hate about the anime community–which to me should be all about invitation and trying to bring people in as close as possible.

Six Years Of Blogging Is All I Can Remember

Whoa. WordPress gave me a notification that it’s been six years since I opened this blog, at what I’m fairly certain was the exact minute of the day when I did so. Freaky! I usually celebrate my anniversaries on the fifteenth, since that’s when I made my first post, but I did create “Digital Boy’s Anime Bloggin'” on the 14th. I would’ve missed it completely this year if not for that notification because, uh… I was too busy blogging!

Interestingly, the first time I actually posted about this site’s age was on its fourth birthday. Then, I mused that I’d been running the site for a fifth of my life. Now we’re running over a fourth. And, importantly, that’s most of the time that I actually have memory of. I can’t really remember life before blogging.

Last year, I copied Ghostlightning’s third-year anniversary post in two parts. Ghostlightning has stopped blogging and watching anime since then. I have too, just less officially. I don’t think I need to explain what I’ve been doing instead.

I’ve always said there’s no reason this site should ever close, and that I’d probably run it until wordpress eventually becomes useless or shuts down, and there’s no reason to doubt that this remains true. Yeah, my youtube and even my tumblr are more active and relevant at this point, but this site still has plenty of uses and as much versatility as ever.

And more importantly, I love it <3

I Will Always Remember Love

It’s been a month since I landed my first job, working graveyard shifts on the logistics team of a newly-opened Target. When I started the job, I knew I’d be driving empty three-AM roads each morning, so I thought it would be fun to replace my ipod playlist with nothing but Initial D eurobeat megamixes. At the time, my iPod’s USB adapter was giving me trouble, so I had to move the songs I wanted from my PC to my laptop before I could transfer them to the iPod.

The megamixes were fun at first. They naturally became tiring because all eurobeat sounds the same, and ultrafast music didn’t fit the afternoon return trip the same way it did the morning commute. I wasn’t up for creating a whole new playlist, so instead I dumped about ten dubstep songs and the entire Steely Dan discography onto my iPod without giving it a second thought.

Dubstep and Steely Dan. What a combo. To spell it out: dubstep is what’s hip with the kids these days. Steely Dan is primarily enjoyed by old people and hipsters.

This dichotomy fits me exceedingly well. I still deal with a disconnect between my childish attitude and my increasingly adult life. I don’t fit with either crowd nor identify with either label—which society so often presents as a dichotomy. That this is the soundtrack to my first job is even more emblematic.

Even the job itself exists in this sort of nexus. It’s an entry-level position, but it’s not much of a “first job.” I’m the only person out of nearly fifty on the four-AM team who is working their first job. Most of the team is in their twenties or thirties, but a lot of them have more than one job, and a number of them have families and military history.

I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I’m always the younger, less-experienced guy, who’s just stumbling through life with no idea what the hell I’m supposed to be doing. Because I am. I don’t even know why I have this job. Every time I think about it, my answer is, “I did it for fun.” My rationale beyond that feels somewhat forced. I always feel like I’m not planning to be here long, like I’m just supposed to pop in and pop back out like nothing ever happened. What the fuck am I doing?

With my first paycheck, I bought a slew of microphone equipment so that I could record my voice with better clarity. I have a lot of video and music projects which I’ve long sought to improve through better equipment, but I never wanted to ask my dad for it, because I felt like if I never ended up using it, I’d be that much more of a failure for it. By paying for it with my own money that I worked for, I would appreciate the effort more, and if I failed to do anything with it, then the burden fell on me.

And now I have the equipment. There’s some more equipment I could stand to buy for various things, but that’s pretty much all I need money for. I can keep working and save money like my dad wants me to, and like he seems to have thought I got a job to do, but if I work real hours like I did my first week (in which I got no sleep for days and ended up collapsing before work, missing it without warning and sleeping for 14 hours), I’ll never actually get the time to use my microphone to create my content. How many videos do I need to make, and how many views do they need to get, before I can quit my day job?

I’ve mostly been working three to four-hour days since that initial week. There just hasn’t been as much to do, and I haven’t been cross-training. And I’m okay with that—I learned the hard way that forty hours leaves no time for anything but sleep, and I don’t actually *need* money. I’m okay with being part-time. That said, I was offered to work Thursday and Saturday this week, both of which I had off. When I got this call on Wednesday night, I refused the offer for either day.

I told my dad about having refused the hours on Thursday, and he was baffled, seemingly taken aback at the realization that I wasn’t treating this like a serious job that I needed to do. The next day, I ended up offering to work Saturday, even though I knew that this would ultimately mean I was working five days in a row; but I thought maybe all these short days had been making me lazy, and it was time to get back to work. Plus, I’ve got three days off in a row afterward, which will be very well-earned.

I tend to pass out right when I get home, as I’d done at 8:30 on Friday, and I slept nearly twelve hours (way the hell too many), because I didn’t set an alarm, and after the collapsing incident, my family is intent on not waking me up. In any event, I spent most of the night playing Mass Effect 3, right up until three AM.

All morning, my internet connection had been dead on my PC, but I really wanted to make a quick check of my sites before I started getting ready for work, so I brought over the laptop and hopped online. That’s when I noticed I was eight hours late for We Remember Love’s big farewell post.

Ah, this post. Long, long in the making. Last June, I spent the whole month in the Philippines, living in ghostlightning’s house, hanging out with him, doing everything from exploring Manila to watching mecha anime and writing ridiculously huge blog posts. It remains the most memorable and exciting thing which I’ve ever done.

Ghostlightning and I had discussed, at the time, the possibility of closing his blog on its anniversary the following year, rounding out a four-year run for the site. By that point, he had already said everything major that he needed to say about anime and its culture as a whole. He’d written all of his big, enlightening posts, so all that was left was to round out his exploration of the shows which he felt the need to tackle on a deeper level.

At the time, he was in the middle of episodically blogging Cowboy Bebop, which was the biggest item on his blogging bucket list. There were still a few more Macross posts and Gundam posts to be done, but he’d already covered the bulk of it. All that remained was to tie up loose ends and go out with one last major project: episodically blogging the entirety of Gundam Age. It couldn’t have been timed more perfectly—a fully-fledged, 52-episode Gundam series which would begin and end in almost exactly a year before the blog’s anniversary. Ghost didn’t know if he’d be able to do it, but he did. The show really went through the best and the worst elements of what Gundam had to offer, and was the perfect ocean of pleasant fail to sail through on his last year of blogging.

We Remember Love ended in spirit for me towards the start of 2012. I didn’t watch Gundam Age or participate in its mass of discussion, though I did read a significant number of the posts about it. The series became the last leg of GL’s blogging, with co-writer JoeAnimated stepping in to fill out the rest of the week with his blogging of other shows, which I also did not watch. I already understood WRL to be in its twilight years, with little to offer me personally anymore, but I still felt that it was wrapping up beautifully.

The final post is actually nothing new. It strongly resembles any of his anniversary posts, with modest shout-outs to a few bloggers who strongly influenced him, a list of his favorite posts and comments sections over the years, and acknowledgements of what the blog and its community meant to him. It’s the last in a series of bookends, on four shelves of his blogging archive, each entry surely stamped “Ex Libris Rubio,” like his books at home.

I didn’t realize until I left my comment what I’d accidentally done when I picked up my laptop. It had not appeared to be coming on, so I’d pushed a bunch of random keys, causing it to start playing a song on iTunes. This made me realize that I’d turned the brightness all the way off the last time I used it, and I let the song continue playing. It had been a random eurobeat song, but it was in my iPod playlist.

By the time I was reading ghostlightning’s post, Steely Dan was playing.

God damn Steely Fucking Dan. They’re ghostlightning’s favorite band, introduced to me during my stay with him. He pushed their huge-ass discography on me all at once, though we mostly focused on and talked about Aja, which was arguably most accessible. Within weeks, we were singing Deacon Blues and Peg together while wandering Manila’s endless series of malls, and I was getting into Bodhisattva and Black Cow and Kid Charlemange (“is there gas in the car? Yes, there’s gas in the car!”) while I listened on the little bed he’d laid out for me in the living room.

Steely Fucking Dan. When I came home, I was still singing their songs obsessively—and in public, as I’d gotten used to, though my dad was embarrassed by it at a restaurant and asked me to stop. My renaissance of self-comfort in public has been shaky since.

Nonetheless, I got my brother, Victor, to start listening and singing with me as well. Imagine our surprise when they played a show here on August first, not more than two months after I’d been introduced to them. My dad went overboard and bought us eighty-dollar pit tickets. The pit, which was huge at this venue, had uncomfortable lawn chairs, and no one was standing. I’d been severely bitten by bed bugs at Otakon two nights earlier, and between medication and stifling heat, I was barely able to keep awake. It was still a great opportunity.

Steely God Damn Fucking Brick-Shitting Dan. The soundtrack to my working life, with a little side of random dubstep and eurobeat thrown in. It only just so happened to be on. Just after I was playing Mass Effect 3.

I might never have played the Mass Effect games, since they were so big and controversial, and looked stuffy and boring to me. I’d had a bad experience with Bioware RPGs as a kid (don’t ask), and just wasn’t interested. That said, I was doing a series of videos about action-RPGs, and intended to play as much as the genre as I could. Not to mention a friend of mine had the first game on Steam, so I could play it for free.

And then, of course, there was the fact that ghostlightning had been playing them obsessively for nearly a month. When I started up my playthrough of the first game, he was getting ready to make his third completionist run of the trilogy, and had more to say about it than I was even ready to talk about. I listened anyways, though, because I definitely enjoyed the first game, and was excited that for the first time in a while, we were connecting on something—on a video game, of all things—both the medium and in fact the specific genre that I’ve been exploring for the past four months or so.

Ghostlightning really egged me on to finish the trilogy. He was being a hardass about it, because he’s about as tired as I am of my non-completionist attitude, though these days I’m a lot better at keeping at something when it genuinely has my attention. Mass Effect 2 was a close call—after playing twelve hours of it in one day, I landed my job, and between that and Dungeons and Dragons, I didn’t find time to get back to Mass Effect for three whole weeks.

When I finally did get around to finishing Mass Effect 2, it was on the same day that my brother and I decided to sell our shitty old Xbox 360. Thanks to a deal at Gamestop, we got an amazing eighty bucks for it, but we had to spend that money on the spot. I located Mass Effect 3 on the PC for just twenty bucks and snatched it right up, so that I could go straight from 2 into 3 instantaneously.

Mass Effect 3. Steely Dan. Two things that, to a significant degree, were given to me by ghostlightning. Both are things that I love on my own now, with or without him. I’ve listened to all of Steely Dan countless times, and I consider Mass Effect 2 one of my favorite games. I have and will continue to write about the franchise extensively.

And there I was, typing my comment on the post:

“To think that this is exactly the post we talked about a year and a half ago, in your room. It’s a god damn beauty. If you find the inspiration to write something short and don’t feel like opening a new site already, I’ll house it on my site no problem.

This site was an institution, man. It gets to die beautiful and perfect. We all should be so lucky.”

And as I hit publish, Bodhisattva—the first song that caught my attention outside the Aja album back in the Philippines, which ghostlightning and I sang while we walked through parking garages and across overpasses on an aimless exploration in downtown Makati—was reaching its crescendo.

And my comment, at the time, felt so poignant. Because his blog did get to die so beautiful and perfect, and because we will not be so lucky. I almost edited the comment—I would’ve if I’d had time—to say, “unlike Char.”

One of ghostlightning’s favorite posts is the one in which he assaulted the character of Char Aznable for being such a petty asshole during Char’s Counterattack. While I stayed with him, GL showed me the final scene from the film, in which Char makes a complete ass of himself by continuing to spout his vapid beliefs even after he’s been completely defeated and disgraced by Amuro. These are the final moments of the two pilots, and it really paints Char as this ultimate failure of a person.

I joked constantly during my stay with him that ghostlightning is a “connoisseur of fail,” because he has a disproportionately massive affection for characters who exhibit high levels of fail, and situations which fail, or which lead to fail, and worldviews which highlight and accentuate the fail in characters. I came to appreciate failure on a much deeper level during my time with him, and especially after being fascinated by that particular scene in Char’s Counterattack, and how Char had done so much as a character, even going so far with his level of fail.

I deduced, and ghostlightning agreed, that Char is the most interesting and possibly the greatest anime character to ever exist. I promised that I would write a post about it for his blog, but only in the event that I finished watching Zeta Gundam. I never did either of those things before the end of his blog. This is just part of my own failure.

Which brings me back to my job. I was rather listless going into work today. Early on, I became tired, and I didn’t really know what I was doing there for a little while. I ended up staying later than I intended, and left without telling anyone because I lost track of my supervisors and was scared that I’d get the company in trouble for taking my lunch break too late. I figured they were going to tell me to go, so I took the liberty of doing so. I had a massive headache, drove like a fucking idiot on the way home, and I would’ve passed out and slept all day to top it off, had I not wanted to write this post so badly.

I actually started writing it on my phone before work started. Capturing that moment when I read the last post on We Remember Love was all I could think about on the way to work. I’ve never been very good at writing on my phone, though, so it was messy and riddled with typos, and I figured it was best left to a full keyboard, as always.

I didn’t think about it during work at all, but of course it hit me like a ton of bricks when I was driving home, feeling like hell, and singing along to Deacon Fucking Blues. I haven’t managed to hear this song in the past three weeks and not consider putting in my two week’s notice. It’s like a switch, I swear to god.

But I’ll say this. Not ten minutes after I left that comment, I thought of an idea for a new Mass Effect post which I realized I would need ghostlightning’s help on. Before I even started writing this, I got him on board for it.

To be honest, it’s been quite a while since he and I have had much to offer one-another outside of pure friendship. I don’t come to him for support, because I know that if I fall through on my plans, he’ll already know it’s coming. I don’t want to show him something he isn’t even interested in only to tell him I failed a week later. Likewise, he shared with me a revelation that he was going to jump hard into spoken-word poetry not long ago. He shared with me a poem in tagalog which I couldn’t understand, and I tried to be supportive, but it’s the last I’ve heard about it in something like a month now. He’s busy with life right now, and as long as “life” means “interests which we don’t share,” then I’m busy all the same.

I wouldn’t have come anywhere near as far as I have without ghostlightning. He taught me a lot about being a writer, and even more about respecting myself and others. That self-respect is why I’m trying harder than ever, and believing more than ever, that I’m on the road to doing something great. I’m still mostly lost on that road, with things like a meandering job whose purpose to me is uncertain, but I’ve actually got a job at least.

When my dad sent me to the Philippines, he thought ghostlightning was going to inspire me to get my life rolling. When I left, I thought he might have done so. GL had told me to try and work for my dad, though like most businesses in the states, they had restrictions against hiring family members. However, my dad, the general manager of a Checkered Flag dealership, instead got me an interview with one of the other GMs for a separate dealership within the company. I was told, in August 2011, that I could pretty much start working there as soon as I was ready. I never called back. I never said anything to my dad. I spent the next year sitting in my room playing video games.

Would I have a job today with or without the guidance of ghostlightning? I hate hypothetical questions because the possibilities are literally endless. The fact of the matter is that his influence is in everything I do, because he has influenced me at the core. It’s a manner not even like how my closest friends influence me, because it’s something which shaped me, like a master raising a pupil. We have both taught one-another many things, but whereas I gave him some tools for his already vast repertoire, he helped to give me the core set of tools to expand upon for the rest of my life.

It’s been a while since we’ve had much of anything to teach one-another. We’ve already learned a lot, and perhaps we won’t have more to teach each-other until we’ve both learned some new things on our own. Or at least, until we find ourselves once again in need of what we know the other has. I have known this for some time now, and the conclusion of We Remember Love is no big affirmation of these feelings. It is simply a very poignant reminder, and the one which inspired me to share all of this with you.

A Forced Interrogation.

I’ve been called for interrogation by animekritik as part of some anime blogger circle thing. It’s the first I’ve heard of it, which makes me wonder—is that because it’s only just begun, or because I’m so out of the loop?

Whatever the case, my first thought upon reading the rules in ak’s post was, “he’s gotta pick me!” I guess I consider myself a HIGH-PRIORITY BLOGGER in ak’s eyes. I was only third on his list though, so WHATEVER man.

On the real though, it’s a little nostalgic. It’d be a lot more nostalgic if I hadn’t been tagged by one of the two bloggers I actually read, though. I can’t be all, “OMG, other people read me and are interested in my opinion!” Instead it’s like, “glad to know I can still count on good old AK to make me feel connected to someone.”

There’s just a handful of you, but ya’ll are enough to keep me writing!

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c2switch is the master of coincidences

This might seem weird because c2switch probably doesn’t know me, and I didn’t know of her until two days ago, when Akira wrote this magnificent post about having two entirely separate encounters with her, as part of the blog carnival I posted in yesterday.

Like Akira, I’m totally infatuated with good friends with 2DT, so knowing that c2switch is one of his friends, I became interested in who this person was, and checked out her twitter. Through that, I was linked to her pixiv account, and I saw something…


This looks familiar—in fact, I know I saw this less than a week ago on tumblr. Yeah, it was in the stream of c-221, one of the first people I ever followed. c-221 only posts maybe once a year—usually five images at a time—and I always forget that I’m still following her until something shows up in my feed. But I follow very few tumblrs, and even less artist tumblrs, so why do I follow this particular one?

Because two years ago, I tried to organize 4chan’s /a/ board to create a doujinshi based on the character Bikko, created by Romantic Fool (who is probably best known as the character designer for Izuna: Legend of the Unemployed Ninja). Bikko was from a one-volume manga that is impossible to find, despite her design having achieved popularity in art circles and inspired tons of fan art.

A lot of people expressed interest in the project, and hung out in my IRC channel waiting for status updates—but in the end it came down to two things: my writing a script, and securing an artist who would actually draw it. That’s where c2switch comes in. She offered to draw the manga, and since I was impressed with her sketches on tumblr, I thought that would be awesome.

her sketches on tumblr

Out of the fifty pages that I planned, I only ever wrote seven of them—and of those seven, I only storyboarded (i.e. drew terrible sketches of how I invisioned) three of them. I emailed them to c2switch, and she said that she was working on them, but I never saw any of her drawings, and I never ended up making more storyboards to send her. This was how the project died.

But yeah, it was very surprising to see that someone whom I’d always thought of as, “this random artist I spoke to once and was never really able to get in contact with again,” was actually friends with my friends now.

It really is a small world and community!

(this reminds me of episode 20 of My Little Pony, with c2switch as Rainbow Dash)

My Anime Community

I’m not often specifically asked to write a post. Since the beautiful world asked, I’ll be participating in their “blog carnival,” and talking about community.

The idea of this carnival is to talk about one’s local anime scene, which is a funny proposition, because I think a lot of anime bloggers would consider the blogosphere itself to be their anime community. I don’t think I’d spend so much time on the computer if I had a lot of friends in the meat who not only shared my incredibly specific anime viewing tendencies, but also liked to talk about them.

I know a thing or two about Virginia Beach anime fans, because how couldn’t I? But I’m not the guy to ask about any sort of local community. I’ve never participated in any anime clubs, even though I was aware of them—and I avoided or didn’t talk to the many fans that I was aware of in high school and college. We weren’t interested in the same things. (Also they were a bunch of huge ponces.)

There are a good deal of anime fans in this city. The word “anime” is pretty ubiquitous here—even talking to the occasional adult, none of them are unaware of what the word means, since their kids or the kids they have to deal with are always gabbing on about it. In high school and college, there were a lot of hipsters who all watched anime to varying degrees, and therefore most of those hipsters’ friends had seen at least one or two shows, or were aware of them.

However, this is based on one high school, one college, and my incredibly limited number of personal encounters. My frame of reference could be so small that I’m basically talking out of my ass here.

We do have two local anime conventions: Nekocon, which every person my age whom I’ve ever been in earshot of has attended; and Anime Mid-Atlantic, which I’m pretty sure is also right here in Virginia Beach. These may be really shitty cons, but they must get some level of attendance, as they’ve both been running for a long time.

If you’re a social anime fan living in Virginia Beach, there’s no reason you shouldn’t find groups of people to do shit with, or things to go and do. We have at least one store with a decent selection of manga and figures (and an asston of obscure 80s toys), and you couldn’t hit someone with a stone without them getting amnesia and forgetting what “anime” is.

Plus, my best friend exists—the only guy I know who’s seen way the fuck more anime than I have. It was an incredible act of fate that he and I ever met, considering that I met him the day before he left school for good, and he was a hikkikomori and I was a borderline hikkikomori. Point being, two of us exist in this city, and close enough that we managed to meet each-other with absolutely no social networking involved. Kinda impressive.

Suffice it to say, of the five friends I have (not counting my brothers), at least three of them are fans of anime, and at least one of them is as big a fan as I am. We don’t do much of anything together, so I don’t think we can claim to do “activities,” nor be a “community.”

Shit, I flew around the world to the Philippines to hang out with an anime fan, and we did karaoke and attended a toy convention with a bigger group of anime fans than the number of friends that I have. Now that’s a community.

I don’t even know where I stand in the anime blogger community. I feel like if I was really a member of it, then I’d at least be reading the aniblog tourney instead of just showing up to vote for each of my friends. I’d also probably participate in the SCCSAV and play Draw Something and comment on ghostlightning’s blog and know about things like a blogger circus without the person running it having to ping me, and I’d even have a post or two on Altair and Vega.

I don’t know what I’m getting at here. I do know that I went to Otakon for the last four years, but I’m not going again this year. Otakon has always been the biggest sense of community that I get out of anime fandom, and this year, I won’t be a member of that community.